Before anything else, I want you to know who I actually am. Not the story, not the heavy stuff that’s coming, but first, me.
So let’s start with the basics. I can’t put a duvet cover on without a fight. Every single time I say this is the one and it’s a disaster. I drop my phone at least five times a day.
I’ve been told I have golden retriever energy and honestly I can’t argue with that.
I’m approaching 30 and I recently had my first grey hair. I was actually shocked and mortified. I shouted up the stairs MUM SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED. Pluck that MF right out. I accept most things in life but that I shall not accept yet.
I’m also a massive geek. Dinosaurs were real and on this planet mate, fantastic. I’m also the person who’ll randomly drop facts into conversation for no reason, like octopuses have three hearts, nine brains and blue blood. That’s just so fucking cool. I find the world fascinating.
That love for animals runs deep. Millie is our golden oldie, she’s my soul dog. Alfie is so loving. We also have a cat. Well, it’s not really ours but it’s chosen us and would probably live with us if the dogs didn’t try to eat it.
I believe being silly and daft is one of the best ways to live. I refuse to get serious or all grown up. In fact, I plan to get less serious each year.
Music is a big part of my life. I played the sax a bit and then somehow landed on learning the drums.
And if drums weren’t chaotic enough I also LOVE adventure. Strap me in a harness (oi oi), put me on top of a cliff and you’ll hear me say “I can’t do it” about 100 times. Then when I’m at the bottom I’ll say “woooo let’s do that again.” And so the process repeats. My dream is to scuba dive with sharks. I love them.
Now every adventure needs a partner in crime and mine is my best mate Mike. Where do I start. We have the most chaotic energy together.
One time we went for a massage and when we got to reception they changed our booking to a shared room because they assumed we were a couple (this happens a lot).
Mike had never had a massage before and couldn’t breathe because he didn’t move the towel that was covering the face hole. All he could do was flop up to the side like a fish out of water just to get a breath. Meanwhile my masseuse and I took a fancy to each other and started flirting. Things escalated to the point where the other masseuse stormed out and threw the towel on top of me. Meanwhile Mike, bless him, was listening to this entire chaos while trying to relax and not suffocate.
I’m also a bit of a hopeless romantic and I’m not even sorry about it. I love Bridget Jones. My ritual after a breakup or feeling very lonely on Valentine’s Day is popping good old Bridget on the telly, in PJs with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s and a glass of wine. It turns into quite the party. After buckets full of ugly crying, laughing and eating my body weight in ice cream it’s like, sorry, what was I even sad about?
Despite some very bad apples I am so lucky to have incredible role models who taught me to be kind, to treat everyone with respect no matter who they are, and to find the beauty in nature. My mum, Grandpops and dad are great examples of this. They would book this caravan in the Lakes and we would have the best time. One time I took the school pet hamster who had quite the reputation as a master escape artist. We took him on holiday, he escaped and woke my mum and dad up eating the bedding.
Underneath all this goofing around there is a lot of depth too. You never know what you’re going to get, including me. I really do care and feel a lot, maybe too much at times, but I think that’s okay.
One thing I want to make clear is this. I don’t want to be known or remembered for the things that happened to me. I want them to be shared and learned from. And I hope they provide some comfort for people knowing it can get better.
I want to be known for who I am. All of the beautiful, messy and slightly… well very chaotic parts of me.
